COULD'VE DONE YOU BETTER
Empty room, my hands were tied for the last time
Empty house, my eyes were blind to your light
And when I think about it
You know it just makes me sick
Look, I know that I could’ve done you better
And when I think about it
You know I’m so full of shit
Look, I know that I could’ve done you better
Could’ve done you better
When I said that I felt unseen
You just could not believe me
While I was wasting away
You had nothing to say
And when I think about it
Like… how much more could I have given?
Look, I know that I could’ve done you better
And when I think about it
You know I’m so full of shit
Look, I know that I could’ve done you better
Could’ve done you better
I know if I could, I’d do it over
I know if I could, I’d do it over
For all the good that saying so does me
I know if I could, I’d do it over
I know if I could, I’d do it over
And when I think about it...
I know if I could, I’d do it over
You know it just makes me sick, look
For all the good that saying so does me
I know I know I know I know
I know if I could, I’d do it over
I know I know I know I know
I know if I could, I’d do it over
And when I think about it...
I know if I could, I’d do it over
You know I’m so full of shit look
For all the good that saying so does me
I know I know I know I know
I know if I could, I’d do it over
I know I know I'd do it over
HAND WRINGING/IN THE WINGS
For a long time I was stalled
Wringing my hands after the final curtain call
I didn’t know who I was at all
Just needed some time, I wanted a choice
I don’t want to fight this
My entire sad life I’ve been nothing but cautious
And I trusted you too much, we melted our rings
While I was waiting in the wings
Just needed more time, wanted a choice
And I don’t want to fight this
My entire damn life I’ve been nothing but cautious
What’s it got me?
And I trusted you too much, we melted our rings
While I was waiting in the wings
HOLD ON TIGHT
The door is open wide
You can call me what you like
Took me too much time to figure this all out
I just wanted you to
Hold on tight
I know loving me wasn’t always easy
My entire life, tried to do it right
But I fucked it up completely
The house is quiet now
You left your keys on the kitchen table
With a handful of things
Reminders and mementos
You got to me
I just wanted you to
Hold on tight
I know loving me wasn’t always easy
My entire life I tried to do it right
But I fucked this up completely
Wish I could write you some brilliant, kiss-off rhyme
Implying that I was right the entire time
But you were the good one
Why couldn’t I say
All of the trash I had swimming in my head?
I just needed you to
Hold on tight
I know loving me wasn’t always easy
My entire life, tried to do it right
But I fucked this up completely
My entire life
Tried to do it right but I…
TEA LEAVES
We were waiting for summer to come
Wondering if and when we might see it again
We were waiting for the waters to warm
put the kettle on for tea,
Find my future in the leaves
They say if you go down to the bottom
You might find something long forgotten
I'm not really sure what I believe
They say if you go down to the bottom,
You might find something long forgotten
Tell me what it is that you see?
Was it something that you lost?
Was it something that you forgot that you even wanted?
Was is something that you fought?
Was it something that you got tired of fighting?
They say if you go down to the bottom
You might find something long forgotten
I'm not really sure what I believe
They say that you can read your cards
Make a chart of all the stars
I’m not really sure what I believe
They say that you can ask for forgiveness
In your heart and you’ll bare witness
I’m not really sure what I believe
They say if you go down to the bottom, down to the bottom
They say if you go down to the bottom, down to the bottom
UNTITLED, FOR LOVE
I was ok for a while, so I’d convinced myself
I was ok with the mess that I’d made
How else could I keep living?
Lights were all on but I was long gone
I thought I was convincing
I don’t know anymore who I was trying to fool
Because I was afraid of what I’d become
I didn’t recognize who I was anymore
I was busted, I was bleeding
And I had stopped believing
That I was worthy of your love anymore
Love, you changed me
Even if I wouldn’t let you save me
Because I was afraid of what I’d become
I didn’t recognize who I was anymore
I was broken, I was grieving
And you have to believe me when I say
I didn’t think that I was worthy of your love anymore
Love, you changed me
Even if I wouldn’t let you save me
And Love, you changed me
For the better
Love, I’m sorry
It grieves me still
Love, you changed me
Even if I wouldn’t let you save me
SLOW TALK
If I speak real low in calm and quiet tones
Would you hear me?
Could you hear me?
If I talk real slow
Question what it is to know
Anything at all
Stay with me
Stay with me
I don't know what I’m gonna do without you
I like it best in the morning
With the dark and the cold
When the day just breaking
Feel the weight in my bones
Am I talking to myself?
I often do
While I’m looking for answers
Picking up on the cues
Stay with me
Stay with me
I don't know what I’m gonna do without you
Stay with me
Stay with me
I don't know what I’m gonna do without you
Stay with me
Please, stay with me
SAINTS OF THE COAST
I can smell the ocean from where we are
I can hear the beating still of your heart
Your heart
It’s the click click click of the camera
My arm out the window
Your eyes in the rearview
This is how I want to remember you
As we drove up the One
With one hand in your lap
With the windows rolled down
And the sun at our backs
I’ll hold that close
And let you go
To the saints of the coast
Captured on your father’s film
In the fading light
Your grandmother behind the lens
Your family at your side
As I drove up the One
I thought about that
With the windows rolled down
And the sun at my back
I’ll hold that close
And let you go
To the saints of the coast
I’ll hold you close and let you go
I’ll hold you close and let you go
I’ll hold you close and let you go
To the saints of the coast
WHEN IT’S QUIET
Sometimes, when it’s quiet
I find my back
To the streets I used to walk as soon as I knew how
Until I was no longer able
I’m sorry that I left
I was just doing what I thought I had to do
And I know I can’t go home
I am an orphan at your door
I am an orphan at your door
And I stayed away too long
I didn’t realize
It all goes on without me there
So open the windows
Let the air in
Open the windows
And breathe again
Sometimes when I sleep
I have those dreams that you’re still here
In the house where you grew up
In that house where we grew up
But the rooms, they are all empty
And the walls they are all bare
I’m sorry that I left,
I was just doing what I thought you would have wanted me to do
And I know I can’t go home
I am an orphan at your door
I am an orphan at your door
I stayed away too long
I didn’t realize
It all goes on without me there
And I’m sorry that I left
I’m sorry that I left
I’m sorry that I left you
I know I can’t go home
I know I can’t go home
I know I can’t go home again
SCARLET RUNNERS
Scarlet runners in the garden
That you planted for me
Well, it’s nearly November, little seedlings should have
come up in the spring
Winter will soon be here
I fear my heart will explode
I love you dear, clearly, much more than you will ever know
Too late to say it now
Wipe the dirt from my hands
And the sweat from your brow
Soon I’ll be leaving here, grieving for what I’ve done
I love you dear, clearly
but now all of the seeds have been sewn
Scattered to the wind
THE SWAY
Golden grass in the breeze,
singing to me
A melody I used to know
Close my eyes, wonder if it’s ever enough to
Live your life in the simple sway of it
To know the truth and be ok with it
Hold it in your hands and walk away from it
I walked away
Summer sun bleeding out to the horizon
Sacrifice we’ve all witnessed before
Close my eyes, wonder if it’s ever enough to
Cast your shadow in the simple sway of it
To know the truth and be ok with it
Hold it in your hands and walk away from it
I walked away
I know the truth and I’m ok with it
Held it in my hands and walked away from it
Fingernails caked with dirt
For whatever any of it’s worth
Anything good in me came from you
Close my eyes, wonder if
It’s ever enough to
Live my life just for the sake of it?
For the sake of it
In the sway of it
WHERE DO WE GO
I was sober for a minute
Tried to put my heart in it
I wanted to get better
Didn’t get better, but I tried
It’s on days like this
I miss you more than I thought I could
It’s on days like this
I wander alone, lost in the world
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
I wish that I were the kind of believer
So that I might see your face again
Now and then I stop myself when something reminds me
(Most things remind me of the space you used to fill)
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
I think of you in the dining room
The green ink on the page of the papers that you graded
You said it was “kinder on the eyes”
I think of you, Summer Sunday after afternoon
The rhythm of the blade as you mowed the lawn
And sang a song to yourself
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
Where do we go when we leave this place?
I don’t know
[Field recording of Robert Trotter sining the folk song Four Strong Winds by Ian Tyson]